ENGLISH TOURISTS

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

 

 

1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

WHO HAS THE BIGGEST COCK?

 

I only have six loyal followers who regularly read my blog posts and I have no idea how big their cocks are because I haven’t asked them, but I suspect that two of them don’t actually have cocks.

Yesterday one of them called me a pervert. “You are a pervert” he said And it struck me that  I’ve been trying to pretend I’m not a pervert but it just hasn’t worked. OK, fuck it, my pretense ends.

Who has the biggest cock? – that is my question for today.

There are three aspects to this deep and profound question:

Which animal has the biggest cock?, which animal has the biggest cock for it’s size?, and which human has the biggest cock?

These are all important questions, possibly more important than the sort of questions I usually obsesses over like like “Is Lady Gaga a tranny?” (yes he is!), and here I am aiming to look at the big picture.

The animal with the biggest cock is the blue whale – they have swinging dicks up to 3m (12 ft long) But I am more impressed by the Tapir – not only are their penises huge, but they can scratch their own backs with them!

Now, the animal with the biggest cock for it’s size is a real freak – it’s the barnacle, (yes really!) they have the largest penis to body ratio. Their penises are 50 times the length of their body which is like a 6′ tall man with a 300 foot long penis.

The man with the biggest cock is Jonah Falcon. Now I’m no fan of the zionist propaganda website Wikipedia, but his entry is a classic filled with lines like these:

Falcon states that he was able to perform autofellatio at the age of 10.

Falcon gained media attention after appearing in the 1999 HBO documentary “Private Dicks:Men Exposed”, in which 25 males were interviewed in the nude about their penises.

Rolling Stone published an article in 2003 that reported Falcon’s penis as measuring 9.5 inches (24 cm) in length when flaccid and 13.5 inches (34 cm) in length when erect.

Falcon appeared on The Daily Show on March 2, 2010, and stated that he can completely envelop a doorknob with his foreskin

On July 9, 2012,Falcon said he was stopped by Transportation Security Administration officers in the San Francisco International Airport, due to the large bulge in his pants. According to Falcon, after passing through a metal detector and a body scanner, he was selected for additional screening, after which he was released and allowed to catch his flight.

In 2014, Falcon agreed to donate his penis to the Icelandic Phallological Museum (The Penis Museum) after his death.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonah_Falcon

 

It’s time we became less inhibited. We all need more freedom of expression. Let’s visit more strange places…

 

FEMINISM IS A MAN'S GAME

 Something is just not right about feminism...

 

 

Imagine if all the femnazzis were actually men. Start with Gloria Steinem and go from there!

 

 

 

It's great when men find their true selves!

 Former WWE Superstar Tyler Reks, now known as Gabbi Tufts, shared this photo of himself in October 2020 vs now! 

THEY HAVE HORSES IN AMERICA TOO

American politics reminds me of NZ politics

 

HOW I ENVY LIFE IN NEW YORK

 Often I wish I was an American, riding free on the railroads.

THE STEEPEST STREET IN NEW ZEALAND

 Baldwin Street, Dunedin is said to be the steepest street in the world - it probably isn't, but it is the steepest street in NZ and nearly 20 years ago I walked up it and took some photos. It's pretty cool, with stairs for footpaths!

 

PS. It turns out Baldwin St really is he steepest street in the world - some cheeky punks in Wales tried to steal our record but they got slammed!

 

In the historic town of Harlech, Wales, a steep road briefly held a Guinness World Record. Ffordd Pen Llech held the title of World's Steepest Street in 2019 before being stripped of this claim, the title returning to Baldwin Street in New Zealand after only a year.

In the Guinness World Record survey committee's first analysis, this street was said to have a gradient of 37.45%.3 However, upon review a year later at the request of Baldwin Street representatives, the guidelines of this world record were rewritten to require measurement to be taken from the middle of the road rather than the outside, and Ffordd Pen Llech was given a new official gradient of 28.6%

 

 

LEARNING TO LOVE FACEBOOK

I used to get really pissed off with Facebook but then I thought, OK it's a controlled platform, but it works better than any other social media platform, what can I do on it? - So I learned how to spell like a retyred and take more care about what images I posted, and I've been having a good time for the past four months. It's the only social media I'm still using this year which saves time too!

 

Authentic transitioning takes time

Sometimes it's good to celebrate ones achievements

50 NOT SO WELL KNOWN FACTS ABOUT AUSTRALIA

Some good ones...bloody roo shaggers

1. The Australian Alps get more snow than the Swiss Alps.

2. 90% of Australians live on the coast.

3. Tasmania has the cleanest air in the world.

4. The Great Barrier Reef is the largest ecosystem in the world. It is made up of nearly 3,000 individual reefs and can be seen from space.

5. Australia has over 60 separate wine regions.

6. Fraser Island is the largest sand island in the world.

7. The Indian Pacific train has the longest straight section of train track in the world.

8. The Great Ocean Road is the world's largest war memorial.

9. 80% of Australian animals are unique to Australia.

10. 5 km of Uluru (formerly Ayers Rock) is underground.

11. Australia has the world's longest golf course measuring more than 1,350 kms long.

12. Australia is home to 21 of the world's 25 most venomous snakes.

13. Perth is the only city in the world which can have aircraft land in its CBD.

14. Australia is bigger than we realise, it's almost the same size as mainland USA.

15. The largest cattle station in the world is located in Australia, Anna Creek Ranch in South Australia and it's bigger than Israel.

16. The first Police Force in Australia was made up of the most well-behaved convicts.

17. It would take around 29 years to visit one new Aussie beach every day – there are 10,685 of them!

18. AFL invented to keep cricketers fit in the off season, there are claims that the game may have been influenced by Indigenous Australians.

19. The world's largest rock is not actually Uluru, but Mount Augustus in Western Australia and actually twice the size.

20. Australia is the 6th largest country in the world.

21. There are 1 million camels that roam wild in Australia's deserts, the largest number of purebred camels in the world, they are exported to the Middle East.

22. You can fly from Perth to Melbourne faster than you can fly from one end of Western Australia to the other.

23. There are over 60 different types of kangaroos and a baby kangaroo when born is only about two centimeters long.

24. Aboriginal culture is the oldest on Earth – it is estimated that the continent's original inhabitants, the aboriginal people, have been in Australia for between 40,000-60,000 years.

25. Australia has 19 World Heritage Listed sites.

26. 91% of the country is covered by native vegetation.

27. 33% of Australians were born in another country.

28. Over 300 different languages and dialects are spoken in Australia including 45 Indigenous languages. In fact, 21% of Australians don't speak English at home!

29. WA is home to what is believed to be the oldest evidence of life on Earth – the Stromatolites.

30. Australia is the only continent in the world without an active volcano.

31. In Australia, sheep out number people 2.5 to 1 (in 2020).

32. Australia was the second country in the world to give women the right to vote in 1902.

33. Per capita, Australians spend more money on gambling than any other nation, with over 80 percent of Australian adults engaging in gambling of some kind.

34. Canberra was selected as the capital because Sydney and Melbourne could not stop arguing which city should be the capital.

35. Australia is home to the longest fence in the world, the Dingo Fence. Originally built to keep dingos away from fertile land, the fence is now 5,614 km long.

36. The Australian dollar is considered to be the most advanced currency in the world – its waterproof, made of polymer and notoriously hard to counterfeit.

37. Australia is the only continent covered by a single country.

38. The world's oldest fossil was discovered in Australia – 3.4 billion years old.

39. Australia has around 600 varieties of eucalypt trees.

40. Australia was one of the founding members of the United Nations.

41. Stonemasons in Australia instituted the 8-hour working day back in 1856.

42. In Aboriginal culture women are not allowed to play the didgeridoo.

43. The venom of the elusive platypus can kill a small dog.

44. Australia's most deadly marine animal is the Box Jellyfish and is responsible for more deaths per year than snakes, sharks and saltwater crocodiles.

45. The only two mammals in the world that lay eggs are found in Australia – the echidna and platypus.

46. Before the arrival of humans, Australia was home to megafauna, three-metre tall kangaroos, seven-metre long goanna's, horse-sized ducks and a marsupial lion the size of a leopard.

47. Both kangaroos and emus lack the ability to walk backwards. This was the reason they were chosen for Australia's coat of arms – to symbolise a country always moving forward.

48. The termite mounds that can be found in Australia are the tallest animal-made structures on earth.

49. Australia is home to more than 1,500 species of spiders.

50. The Great Victoria Desert is bigger than the whole of the United Kingdom.