SIFT TOP 5 MOST POPULAR BLOG POSTS THIS MONTH (Scroll down to see the latest posts)

Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Monday, 24 March 2025

THE HISTORY OF TEACHING MATHS


1. Teaching Maths In 1960s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1970s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1980s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 1990s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2000s

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it’s ok.)

6. Teaching Maths In 2010’s

Who cares, just steal the lumber from your neighbour’s property. It’s OK anyway because it’s redistributing the wealth.

7. Teaching Maths In 2020’s

Lumber is no longer available. Stay safe, wear a mask, get your jabs.

 
 

Wednesday, 19 March 2025

WHO HAS THE BIGGEST COCK?

I only have six loyal followers who regularly read my blog posts and I have no idea how big their cocks are because I haven’t asked them, but I suspect that two of them don’t actually have cocks.

Yesterday one of them called me a pervert. “You are a pervert” he said And it struck me that  I’ve been trying to pretend I’m not a pervert but it just hasn’t worked. OK, fuck it, my pretense ends.

Who has the biggest cock? – that is my question for today.

There are three aspects to this deep and profound question:

Which animal has the biggest cock?, which animal has the biggest cock for it’s size?, and which human has the biggest cock?

These are all important questions, possibly more important than the sort of questions I usually obsesses over like like “Is Lady Gaga a tranny?” (yes he is!), and here I am aiming to look at the big picture.

The animal with the biggest cock is the blue whale – they have swinging dicks up to 3m (12 ft long) But I am more impressed by the Tapir – not only are their penises huge, but they can scratch their own backs with them!


Now, the animal with the biggest cock for it’s size is a real freak – it’s the barnacle, (yes really!) they have the largest penis to body ratio. Their penises are 50 times the length of their body which is like a 6′ tall man with a 300 foot long penis.

The man with the biggest cock is Jonah Falcon. Now I’m no fan of the zionist propaganda website Wikipedia, but his entry is a classic filled with lines like these:

Falcon states that he was able to perform autofellatio at the age of 10.

Falcon gained media attention after appearing in the 1999 HBO documentary “Private Dicks:Men Exposed”, in which 25 males were interviewed in the nude about their penises.

Rolling Stone published an article in 2003 that reported Falcon’s penis as measuring 9.5 inches (24 cm) in length when flaccid and 13.5 inches (34 cm) in length when erect.

Falcon appeared on The Daily Show on March 2, 2010, and stated that he can completely envelop a doorknob with his foreskin

On July 9, 2012,Falcon said he was stopped by Transportation Security Administration officers in the San Francisco International Airport, due to the large bulge in his pants. According to Falcon, after passing through a metal detector and a body scanner, he was selected for additional screening, after which he was released and allowed to catch his flight.

In 2014, Falcon agreed to donate his penis to the Icelandic Phallological Museum (The Penis Museum) after his death.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonah_Falcon

 

It’s time we became less inhibited. We all need more freedom of expression. Let’s visit more strange places…

 

Monday, 17 March 2025

KIWIS VS AUSSIES

Bleeding Aussie Roo Shaggers

As a Kiwi, sometimes I am horrified to be mistaken for an Aussie. Usually by Americans. 

So now I’m going to explain some key differences between Kiwis and Aussies. People in other countries often assume that because we are neighbours, we are just like each other, and great mates as well. But nothing could be further from the truth. We are more like North and South Korea, Serbia and Croatia, or England and Ireland.

First the big issue, the elephant in the closet. Aussies shag Kangaroos. It is a bizarre obsession, and they do it constantly. In a desperate attempt to cover up this national embarrassment they have even made up a story that Kiwis shag sheep. So despite the fact that this has never happened, they always refer to us as “sheep shaggers”

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And the next big one is that they can’t speak English properly. So again they have made up a story to cover up the embarrassing truth. Because there are some vowels they can’t pronounce, they claim that they have no issues with their own speech, and it’s Kiwis that are wrong.

The most famous example is “fish and chips” Aussies can’t pronounce either of these words so they say “feesh and cheeps”. Although anyone who can speak English properly can hear this obvious balls up, as a cover story they accuse Kiwis of saying “fush and chups”

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Then there is the whole Rugby thing. Aussies are obsessed with Rugby, it’s their national sport, but they are not very good at it. In fact every time there is a NZ vs Aus test match they get totally spanked by the All Blacks, and have their arses handed to them on a plate.

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So in typical Aussie fashion they have invented their own version of Rugby that no other country plays. It’s even called “Aussie Rules”. Odd looking men in tight shorts wrestle about in a homoerotic fashion in front of stadiums filled with drunken Aussies fantasizing that they are watching some public roo shagging.

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Another issue of great contention is the Pavlova theft. Australia was originally set up by the English as a penal colony – a place to ship all their criminals to, and get rid of them once and for all. So Aussies, in between shagging kangaroos, like to steal things. It’s in their blood.

At some point they decided to steal our national pudding, claim they invented it, and then to add insult to injury, they now claim we stole it from them.

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An area that Australia really is world famous for, is feminism. NZ was the first country in the world to give women the vote, and New Zealand is ranked number 4 behind Iceland, Norway and Sweden on the Women in Work Index.

Australia meanwhile, is just famous for its angry militant feminists.

An Aussie “feminist” called Clementine Ford regularly makes headlines for saying things like “Have you killed any men today? – If not, why not?” And the scary thing is that she is not a stand up comedienne taking the piss out of femnazis. She is a regular Aussie femnazi!

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While these things are some of the more critical issues for any Kiwi to keep in mind, I suppose I had better add in another key fact for overseas readers. Australia is a vast desert with hardly any people in it, just millions of dingos and kangaroos. They have the most poisonous spiders and snakes of any country, their rivers are filled with crocodiles and the surrounding sea is filled with sharks.

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New Zealand has no dangerous or poisonous animals. None at all. We just have millions of sheep and soft cuddly possums. Australia has possums too, but theirs are really ugly looking things. And that is an analogy for the whole NZ vs Aus thing. Yes we have similarities, but in every case NZ is totally superior.

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A NZ possum – we have over 30 million of these cute animals, and they are treated like a national treasure

Australia has more than 30 creatures that can kill someone in less than the time it takes to post a Twitter status update “I’ve been swimming with some friendly jellyfeesh but now I feel a bit sheet so I’m going to…”

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Both countries are well aware of these underlying truths, but only one has dedicated the past century to making up ever more deranged stories in a desperate attempt to disguise the fact that they can’t say “chips”

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Wednesday, 26 February 2025

LIFE AS A FLAT EARTHER

Sometimes it seems like every time someone disagrees with me, they call me a "flat earther". It must be a hard life as a flatard, constantly filled with peril. I would never mock them...




Sunday, 23 February 2025

LIFE IN AFRICA

"The Culture of Africa is varied and manifold, consisting of a mixture of countries with various tribes depicting their unique characteristics and traits"


 









Friday, 21 February 2025

LOLPICS GALLERY

It's time for some LOLPICS on this blog. My first gallery is now up:

 LOLPICS VOL 1


Posting lolpics is the most important use of the internet. There are some classics in there! (click on any of the images to see them full size)



Saturday, 1 February 2025

SIFTER FEEDBACK FROM 2003

Here is some classic feedback from my original www.frot.co.nz blog!

“The people have spoken, the bastards.” Mark Twain

This post was censored here on Blogger by Gxxgle. I'm not sure what their problem was, but have now put a few strategic X's in to avoid hurting their delicate sensibilities. 



Once again I have been let into the mysterious workings of your mind. Surely no goat could mind control that! – BL


Your a dangerous stupid shxt. The cancer industry may well be a scam, but I don’t think its even as close as your crackpot mind at thinks it is. A good chunk of that cancer industry scam is your natural health mates – RP


Hey – Big ups from an old old man. I don’t surf much anymore – but what fun this site is – CC


I’m intrigued about many of your topics mentioned – consumerism, Monsanto, Dow, Du Pont, Bayer, 911, genetic engineering; those topics are not a staple of the American news diet. I believe they’ve affected our ability to exist in America, not to mention what they’ve done to the planet. (I’m sure Condoleeza Rice is analyzing my email right now and I’ll probably have a Guantanimo vacation soon for the asking) – BS



First of all thank you for informing me that there’s such a conspirxcy (it really is) about the main search engine. It’s the same for wahooo and ciul and all others. Actually it’s all the same, there’s just one search engine in the world.. there’s no yho, no alta vissta, no bindd, no ask, no iANDEXX.ru, no nothing, is all ggl. THE SAME RESULTS EVERYWHERE! Just tipe “fuck ggl (real name of the s.engine)” in ciul and you’ll se what results if gives – and this should be the biggest competition of ggl. They back themselves up.

Read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Echelon_(signals_intelligence)

ggl censor the words “fakk yhoo” how do we expect to find reliable information about alternative – energy, alt. fuels, alt_medicine, alt_searchengines and other.

I can’t find reliable web sites giving information about the ggl cen–sorsh-ip ether so if you know any pls send it to me – NH


Dude, you need to move into the 21st century. Seriously – RW 



I LIKE YOUR DIET BUT I NEED MORE COKE THAT YOU RECOMMEND AND I DRINK BOOZE VERY SLOWLY. BEST OF LUCK FROM BIG AL, THE FAT MAN – AS 


hi dude, im not sure if i really liked all the info on your pages, but what i had appreciated is your honesty and yourself. Would like to meet u one day – Just one question: do u like mountains??

PS sorry for the short, scribbled style of this mail but just recently i broke my right hand while trying to slide a stair’s handrail with my bike… – CN


Thanks for the dow info on your site. i’ve been looking into it a lot more lately. my mom had leaking implants and nursed my brother and I on them for almost a year each. now we’re all decrepid, insane, and unhealthy but I guess it’s okay because if it weren’t for my mom having big fake boxbs, my dad might not have noticed her in the tixty bar, knocking her up, then she giving birth to me and my brother 🙂

The microwave thing is interesting, too. I’ll have to go back and read the rest of your site after my brain repairs from stumbling across your keyword spam goxgle page. I’m going to have to steal your image of the guy getting his baxls kicked and plaster it on forums full of idiotic teenagers who get on my nerves though… i hope you don’t mind. – MP


Send me a pic of you naked and l’ll think about it – MC


Hi, we appreciate your help in lobbying to revoke this silly and harmful helmet law, thanks – PM


Is it my mutton chops or your navel that’s giving them wood? – TE


I am writing to you regarded your very insightful website, and information provided on Apricot Kernels. I would greatly appreciate your permission in using some of the information you have provided for an article I’m writing on the subject, in “What Medicine?” magazine, a nationwide publication within the UK. I hope to hear from you soon. – SB


Hello my friend, We are liking to reading your daily blog thoughts on the internet. The internet is new here in our town. I live in Thule, Greenland. It is cold here, always. We are not riding bikes very much, I have a reindeer, Umlaut – he and I go riding together often. Sometimes he gives me the kissing with open mouth. It is dark night here very much. Umlaut is often a comfort. I am wishing that I could be riding bikes and doing death verts in Wellington.
Where can I post my opinions on your blog pages? Thankyou – EB


After further examining your website I have concluded that you have a terrible habit of only looking at one side of the issue – JS.


How can I contact you? It’s very hard for me as I’ve got Alzheimer’s disease in the first place, but usually I can find the place where a web page has a ‘feedback’ page that tells the email address of the person putting it up!

Skip Baker
Former President,
ASAP, American Society for Action on Pain.

“Whilst secrecy prevails, democracy withers & fails.”


Hey, I just added your Coca-cola info as a link to my home page, and I’m coming back to read more of your siftings. We need more bloodhounds like you! Regards MD


You are such a morron! – coca-cola isn’t as bad as you think because it has aspartame; i’m a diabetic and i eat aspartame instead of sugar with al my meals and I haven’t had any complaints yet. I”ve been doing this for at least 15 years. So please, just stop making people paranoide about everything they eat or drink!! – NM


Yours is a very credible site that my students will enjoy – GL


You have clearly nailed your colours to the mast, and objectivity is not amongst them – BB


I just wanted to let you know I really enjoyed reading through your site. It’s nice to find a site well laid out and with no misspellings! You have a lot of useful information and a very logical mind. I especially liked your article on Bike helmets. The other articles kept my attention for over an hour! Nice stuff! – KS


Basically i think you suck axs, why? because u hold some grudge against the coke company probably cause you ran out of coke at your house. ur making up this bulxshit about coke being bad for your and having to much sugar in it so people will stop buying it so you can have all the coke for yourself. well im not falling for it! im going to buy as much coke as i can just to make you suffer axshole! oh yea, and ill be thinking of you when im guzzuling down my next fridgepack loser – BC


The U.S.A have also released GE Microbes on Mars the evil Nazi Bxstards! – AH


One mustn’t break rules or attempt to trick Goxgle, lest they awaken the almighty search engine gods and be struck down by their wrath – JP


I hope you haven`t been rendering inedible perfectly good vegetables – GE


your right, it is a good idea to drink soda. oh yea and how could i not i mean if i bring my empty coke can to six flags its buy one ticket get one free so holy shit, drink coke= ride sweet coasters. sweet! – BC


Please let me know how you get your website within the top 5 rankings on www.goxgle.com it is very vital that my website will be in the top 5 and so far my Organisation has limited funds which are all my own, it will be unlikely i get a grant or any financial help from anyone in time – AH


Hi i was just researching on some marijuana cooking 4 me & my m8s i was thinking if i use my whole stash 10oz in dat cannabutter, would i b able to boil it down into thesame amount as u would in 1oz, but way way way more potent. cause my shit is the best in all 4 citys it’s been though, best in NZ i’ve been told by friends and people at partys. well would it work and u can get wasted on 1 muffin ay bout hand size. just need clearance we gona have alot of fun if it works, just dont want to waste plz reply.

i just want 1 really powerful muffin 1 each and blow us all away or mabey 70z in one muffin make history in my town fukin fun if u know what i mean cause i got alot of weed 10 patches 6 plants a patch 6 feet tall min all females buckets of seeds i know care barrels a year trust me im only 15yrs of age but i know everything bout growing just mudd at cooking – JM


To me you sound like every other conspiracy theorist I’ve ever heard, in that you will utterly dismiss huge swathes of evidence and credible scientific input because it doesn’t suit your paranoid worldview.

I think it’s just as preposterous that you would think that a bunch of internet gossip contradicts the mass of evidence that the events of 9/11 actually happened – OB


As a general physician, I am highly concerned about the rampant use of coke and pepsi products for a simple reason: pH.

The blood must “religiously” maintains a basic pH of 7.35-7.45. Since a blood pH of less than 7.2 can result in death by cardiac arrest or metabolic acidosis, the body essentially “robs Peter to pay Paul” to ensure the blood pH remains within strict limits.

Since the pH scale is logarithmic, the pH of coke (about 3.4) is TEN THOUSAND times (10 to the 4th power) more acidic than the normal blood pH of about 7.4. Studies have shown that these acidic drinks increase the urinary excretion of calcium; it only makes simple sense that the source of this calcium is from bone since an increased level of calcium, absorbed from the bones, helps to buffer the pH of the blood to maintain that life-promoting pH of about 7.4.

Bottom line? Coke is hazardous to your health — no bones about it – AK


Hello, Im from the Society For The Preservation of Mexico’s Premium Nature Resource, The Spotted Back Spinc Mule. In the past SFTPoMPNR,TSBSM has campaigned for open trail use to all spotted back mules, or as we like to call them in the trade, SPHINCTERS. The SPHINCTERS get a hard time in their natural habitat of lower south west Mexico where Donkey stable boys often ritualistical sodomize them and tickle them with their engorged tadgers.


Please support our Ideals and get open trail use for the SPHINCTERS on all Mountain Pass’s Hill’s and City Streets, through your help only, you can aid in the preservation of the dirty smelly spinc mule and continue the legacy of love for the Mexican way of life. Thank you goodnight we love you all – EP


“I’m all lost in the supermarket
I can no longer shop happily
I came in here for that special offer
A guaranteed personality”

The Clash