Back in 1993 I printed this story out and put it up in a shop window where it attracted a crowd of people who stood there reading it! Ten years on I used it in one of my first blog posts, and now over 30 years later here I am re-posting it again because it still cracks me up.
AN UNUSUAL CASE – by William A. Morton, Jr, MD (From an actual medical journal)
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he “needed a doctor who took care of men’s troubles.” The patient, about 40, was pale. febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin. After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling stained gauze wrapped around his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender.
A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum. Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard. We x-rayed the patient’s scrotum to locate the staples; admitted him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexaclorophrene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.
The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatie cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels lifated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and-through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed. Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital a week later, the patient confided the rest of his tory to me.
An unmarried loner, he usually didn’t leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his coworkers. Finding himself alone, he began the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound close and resumed his work. I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.
